I feel so flipping stupid for thinking you’d be different. For thinking you’d actually care about me and my feelings, my worth in whatever our friendship is. You left. You lied about it. You faked it. Faked it all. Yet you remain honest about your truths.

Thanks for hurting me.

Just wait

I know you'll write me off

I know you're always gonna count me out

You think I'm gonna let you down?

I know you'll write me off

I know you're always gonna count me out

You think I'm gonna let you down?

Just wait...

Entanglements

I think sometimes I tend to think too much, sort of like wishful thinking. I tend to lean towards those I find myself captured and valued by in the moments curated by them. But, what I am starting to see through these recent moments is that I in someways connect myself to them that maybe aren't intentioned.

From self reflection I begin to overthink and over stimulate what I think is happening, what is actually happening, and what it is think that will be. It makes me feel like I am an annoyance to some. That I am trying hard for a conversation just to feel connected to the person of interest at the time. Not that I want to sound like a careless friend or person. But doesn't everyone sort of "rotate" on who they're investing time with? Maybe.

My hardest struggle is realizing at this moment I have deeper entanglements from the past than I realized. Some of these realizations are harder to accept than others. Some of these I was able to easily identify and make the appropriate adjustments. Some of them not so much. It's hard to battle something within you that inwardly it only affects you.

It takes so long to intercept where I am free and where I am still.

I don’t

I don’t feel right.

I don’t feel certain.

I don’t feel altogether.

I feel cauterized.

I feel broken in myself.
I feel like I am wasting time.